Fugitivus Discussion Forum

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Goddamn gender stereotypes; AKA, it's just my fucking HAIR.

I am getting So. Fucking. Pissed.

A couple of months ago (April 5th, actually), I shaved my head. As in, with a razor. Hair, all gone! I'd been wanting to take the step for a good long while, and I finally worked up the guts for it. I fully expected to get some ...interesting reactions (while gender isn't an important part of identity construction for me, I'm female), I didn't expect people I know relatively well to go on. And on. And fuckin' on about it; I guess I thought they had better standards, or at least half a damn brain.

Ahem. Anyway, so I now have nearly 2 months worth of hair adorning my noggin, and this is the first time since I was about 6 that I've really liked my hair. It's past the spiky stage, and kindof fuzzy - not 'I've got a kitten on my head' fuzzy any more, but nice & soft, long enough to make little spikes out of, generally a fair bit of fun.

Clearly, though, I did this for attention, since I didn't do it to raise money for a cancer charity. I couldn't possibly actually enjoy the state my hair is in, and be considering spending some of my (very scarce) disposable income on some clippers to keep it this way. Nooooo. I'm a girl, you see, and we just don't do that sort of thing. Not unless we're crazy (sorry, crazier, since everyone knows women are all nutjobs anyway)!

And while I'm disappointed that my general circle is still talking about my damn hair (it's just hair! I promise it'll grow back! It's not important, so shut the hell up already!), I'm well & truly freaked out by some of the things completely fucking random strangers have said & done about it. I'm ok with my GP & Psychologist asking if there's something I should be telling them about it, since they're my backup when it comes to mental health; but the dude behind me on the bus that kept stroking my head? Not ok. The woman in the supermarket who told her (adorable) kid that it meant I was a 'filthy dyke'? Not ok.

I've had people fuss over my hair for a long time. It was this hip-long, wavy blonde monstrosity that ate my time and effort. I've used it to pass as a 'normal' girl, sure - but since I was a kid, it's been held up as this wonderful, beautiful thing that I should adore, and I just don't. Now it's gone, and it's as simple as that. My brothers had the advantage of short, easily groomed hair for years, and I'm damn well getting in on the act - stop giving a shit. It's on my own damn head, and funnily enough, I'm pretty happy with that.

Ooookay, enough with the ranting now. I have to say, for the most part the male reactions haven't been to bad - or they have, at least, been silent. The ones I'm really hating are the 'whaddayamean-I'm-exhibiting-internalised-misogyny' from women - I'm okay with my grandmother mourning my hair (well, kindof), but I've wanted to closed-fist punch every checkout girl who's asked if it was for charity, or if I'm, y'know, punk but not dressed up. I'm very close to appropriating cancer just to see if I can induce some shame in the next girl who tries to enforce the girly rules.

That's fucking stupid. I can't believe how foul people are. You'd think we were still living in a tribal society by how much people are intimidated by something as small as someone having different hair.

As for my contribution, this-> http://juggernautjohn.deviantart.com/ar ... -165763604 I tore into him long and hard, and he hid my comments because he's a coward. And as is typical from sexist idiots, he called me "sensitive" and said "I'm not the first person to make a little sexist joke, and I won't be the last". What, so that makes it okay? Idiot.

Long string of "Hidden by Owner". Very classy. And it's not even a funny "joke"; it's just pointlessly offensive. There are offensive jokes with some kind of slightly horrifying humour value, and I can understand the temptation of those, but this one is just bad on every conceivable level.

ugh, those reactions to your hair are awful.
I probably would have shaved my head at least once by now just to try it, but I'm afraid of the reactions I'd get. And some dude *stroking* your head? What in the everloving crap is wrong with people?

About the deviantart picture: It's always sad how many people think stuff like this is OK. Like, really people? And like Hexadecimal said, what really takes the cake is that there's no joke beyond the idea that women are somehow lesser. I'd like to have a chit-chat with one of these people and be like "so why is this funny?" and see what their answer is. They'd probably call it ironic or something, at which point I would just roll my eyes and walk away (though flipping them the bird is tempting too!).

As for my contribution, more a daily dose of transphobia than sexism, so not totally sure if this is the right spot, but here goes anyway!
I ran into my ex-roommate around a year back. He knew I was trans and we had a lovely little exchange when I told him my new name and he asked me: "If you don't mind me asking, what operations have you had done to let you call yourself that?"
Stunned, I excused myself, and didn't really fully parse it 'till I got home. In those few words he reduced me to my genetalia, told me what I could and couldn't do, asked a very invasive medical question, strictly enforced gender roles, implied I was a man, and revealed himself to be a total asshole. I'm almost impressed.

Well, I use 'sexism' as an umbrella term for all the bullshit related to people thinking that an individual's physical sex or gender says something incontrovertible about their personhood, so transphobia counts, I reckon.

That's a double asshattery trifecta you've got there, PB! I never cease to be amazed by the gaping maw that is a jerk's capacity to reinforce ridiculous belief systems. Then I get pissed with myself for being amazed! See, it's all my fault! They were right all along! Aaaaargh!

...I'm going to stop now before I start gibbering uncontrollably.

It's the "if you don't mind me asking" that really ratchets that one up from merely horrible to ludicrously so in my book. Not only is he going to ask a question that combines every kind of transphobia I can name off the top of my head, he's also going to tack that little disclaimer on there as though it is conceivable to him that you might not mind? What a doorknob.

Sexism I have encountered today: In an otherwise astonishingly tasteful discussion of Power Girl's infamous boob window (I can't seem to find the link, but it's on Youtube as Tim Gunn Critiques Superhero Costumes or something like that), this guy just had to point out that he does not like it when ladies dress like gentlemen. It was hard to tell exactly what sartorial offense he was denouncing, could've been anything from drag kings down to women who don't wear enough skirts for his taste, but it really rubbed me the wrong way.

I know, right? I think I read elsewhere on his profile that he wants to be a comedian. Is it possible to make it big as a comedian without resorting to sexist, racist, or homophobic jokes? I'd really like to know. I like to laugh, but I can never turn on Comedy Central without finding something unbearably offensive or disgusting. Anyway, he's not funny enough to get away with it.



He tried to tell me that saying women aren't meant for architecture isn't the same as saying they suck at it. Wtf? He clearly has an IQ of 50.



I really wish people would stop and take a moment to imagine, REALLY imagine, what it's like to be the other person before they ask questions like that. That's so arrogant- what makes him the authority on when you're allowed to call yourself by a new name?

I saw a creepy guy wearing a shirt that said "Tell your boobies to stop staring at my eyeballs" today. If I hadn't been on the clock I would have decked him.

Agh, esuriospiritus, I've seen that shirt.

I have mentioned making the title of this subforum more inclusive, but please know talking about transphobia is always OK, either on this sexism thread, or if you want to start your own daily dose of transphobia thread that is separate.

I have always wondered why people have felt the need to make such a big deal about non gender conformist hair, or non conformist hair in general. I have had my hair many lengths, colors and styles, including the punk rainbow, in my past. I only shaved half of my head (my mom told people I had brain surgery. really.) but I am envious of you having the innards to do the whole thing. I have been told my roots looked awful (I have naturally very very dark hair, and I had bleached it white blond and the roots were showing by about two inches) by a blue haired grandma once, who told me that she could tell me that because "I'm a grandma". What? You've had a kid who has had a kid, so you get to randomly insult strangers about their hair. I wanted to say "That's a coincidence, because I am pretty sure my peer group would think your hair looks pretty ugly and ridiculous, too" but I didn't.

My older brother constantly makes remarks about my son's long hair. I have made remarks back to him (he is president of our local Young Republicans group and fancies himself to be a founding fathers fan) about the silly powdered long haired wigs those early presidents and American Revolutionaries had - isn't fashion silly?

Still, having your hair touched by strangers or having your close friends constantly remark on it is worse than the stories I shared. It is all about people thinking women's bodies are for their visual (or worse! tactile!) consumption. I remember having to explain to a leering manager once why I didn't shave my legs. I wore mini skirts and dressed as I wanted to, and explained to him, that, believe or not, they were my legs, and I didn't shave them because that's how I preferred them. Imagine, they weren't existing for the purpose of him to consume them visually!