Trigger warning: general discussion of rape, lots of angry cursing
So, I am in medical school. I was in the call room (where the residents and students hang out when they're not actively doctoring), and somehow the topic of rape came up. There is a douchenozzle of a doctor who I already have a problem with because he is such an arrogant misogynist who had some really choice things to say about rape. I really held my tongue as much as I could (I will be spending a year at this site, and he is one of my supervisors. Plus, there is that whole terrible bargain thing that Melissa talks about at Shakesville.), but I did argue with him a little and I am so sure he (and many of the others in the room) see me as the humorless feminazi now.
So, some of his astute (not) observations:
He came in saying he had heard some statistic about 25% of college women being raped. He was astounded by this number, and scoffing that it could not POSSIBLY be accurate. He announced, incredulously, "That means at least one of YOU has been raped!" to the four women in the room.
My silent response: Yeah, douchebag? Why does that make it impossible? Most likely, you are surrounded by sexual assault survivors every single fucking day! Do you think sexual assault survivors wear a fucking badge to identify themselves, or will break into sobs randomly and spill their histories to you?
My actual response: Well, it was probably all kinds of sexual assault, which is a wider umbrella. And, having sex with someone who is intoxicated is considered sexual assault, since they cannot truly give consent when they are intoxicated, and that is fairly common in college. Also, I have heard that 20% or so of women are sexual assault victims, so that is not that far off from what I have heard.
His response: Well, regret the next day isn't the same thing as being raped. And, I have had sex a few times when I was so drunk that I was almost passed out! I guess I've been raped! Har de har har! I've been raped a few times! Har de har har!
Me: (OK, I apologize for this one up front, because it isn't fair to paint homosexual sex as the most awful thing that could happen, but this guy was seriously pissing me off, and I know he is a homophobic asshole, and this would really drive the point home) Were any of those times sex with a man against your will?
Him, suddenly serious: Um, no.
Me: OK, well, then, you may not have thought it was so funny. It's not really a funny subject.
Him: Tells a story about some dude he knew whose life was RUINED by a totally! false!11!! rape accusation by his girlfriend's parents who totally unfairly just didn't like him, and even thought he was never convicted !!!11!! he is on a sexual offenders site and his life is totally1!!11! ruined!!
Me: Expressed doubt of the veracity of the details, especially him not being convicted. Pointed out that people are more likely to lie about their car being stolen than about being raped, but no one calls people liars when they discuss car theft.
Me: (Wanted to say) Rape ruins lives too, asshole. I bet your friend was as much of a douchebag as you are, and I have no doubt he was guilty. And most likely convicted. What's his name? Let's look him up on the website and see what the details are.
Then, in the perimeter of the room, one of the other residents (a male, natch) decides to teach the wimminz about self defense from those scary rapists who jump out from the bushes. Then he says: You all don't know the BEST self defense trick from being raped. Do you know what it is? Do you? Stick your finger down your throat and throw up! (Smug laughter) Har de har. Yeah, just throw up all over yourself! It's the best self defense trick against rape ever!!
Um, really asshole?
When I was a freshman in college, I went to a tequila party (yeah, I know, I know). I promptly drank too much tequila and, predictably, ended up throwing up profusely in the bathroom. Some guy I never met before, never saw before, had no idea who he was who had just shown up at the party came INTO THE BATHROOM where I was throwing up alone and proceeded to very aggressively put the moves on me. He was quite clear he wanted to force me to have sex with him. I managed to stumble out and find my friend, who was a nice guy I felt I could trust, and asked him to keep an eye on me. My friend was very appreciably smaller and less muscular than the guy who wanted to rape my vomiting self. He, very bravely, walked straight up to mr. would-be-rapist and told him to leave me the fuck alone. I am grateful to this day.
I have heard way too many stories of intoxicated women whose post-barf status did not deter rapists. I am afraid many of them didn't have stories with as happy an ending as mine.
I am still perturbed by the conversation. Rrrrrrrgh.