I volunteer at a thrift store on the Navy base. It's way cool, all the ladies I work with are really nice. They talk to me as an equal, and in the beginning, encouraged me to come back by simply stating "See you tomorrow!". It helped, a lot. Anyways!
One Navy guy came in, and he asked me about D&D (Dungeons and Dragons). My ears perked up; I'm automatically taken with people who play D&D because they're just as nerdy as I am! He asked if we had any "blah" edition books, and after that, we got to talking. "Yeah, I play these classes usually, oh wow, that's cool. You have a D&D group, wow we're looking for one! Awesome! My husband and I would love to join if you guys have room!" He gives me his info, and we're off.
I pick my hubby up, life is good, I just took the first steps to possibly getting us a gaming group, yay! I email this guy, no response for about two weeks. Hm, okay. Well I'll text him then, to kinda nudge him to talk to me. After all my email probably went to his spam folder. He responded! Well awesome! And the awkward small talk with texting, okay that's not too bad, we just met. Me: "I'm from KC, in the Show-Me state...etc"
F: "THAT could turn naughty in a hurry "
Me: *nervous laughter, then immediately change the subject*
I tell this guy it'd be cool if we could meet his group first, because honestly I'm getting a little on edge with this constant attention. It was my intention to just get a hold of him, then speak about how we could get in with this gaming group. Because that's what I want, and have made clear this whole time: my husband and I would like to join your group. Plus, I'd already spoken to my husband about this, and he was less enthused when he saw that text. We talked about it, he said it made him angry. I validated that, and told him it made me anxious. I told him I would proceed with caution.
Yesterday, I got this text: F: "Do you want to go see (insert movie here) tonight?"
Me: "I already saw it with my husband, and I'm more interested in playing D&D"
I was with my husband at the time, and we talked about this. He suggested, half jokingly, that I text back "Yeah, so what should I tell my husband?" I told him this is pretty much the last straw, that I'm going to listen to my gut which is telling me "I am creeped out!" It sucks if he didn't really mean anything by it (small chance), but good for me if he did (more likely).
I sent him this text message today: Me: "I'm having second thoughts on (meeting up with your gaming group), and I will explain why. I am not comfortable with being flirted with, either as a joke or what appeared to me as asking me out. I apologize because I pushed through my own boundaries. So please no more texting, but I don't mind emailing. We can try this again when we feel comfortable "
F: "I was doing neither. That invitation to the movie was also sent to (insert everyone on his friends' list, like it's evidence for this behavior), and if I'd had your husband's number, he'd have gotten one as well; but as you're a couple, I figured that extension of the invite to him was implied,"
My email response, and I'm blocking off contact with him after I send it: "F,
I have no ill will towards you, but this is the last time I will speak to you. I made the mistake of reaching out to you with texting messaging, but the awkwardness does not fall solely on me. My boundaries were explained, and were denied. This proves to me even more that I made the right choice in stating what I did.
Telling you I'm from the "Show-Me State" and you replying "That could get naughty fast" is flirting. I've looked at it different ways, and at the time, gave it the benefit of the doubt. You more then likely didn't mean anything by it either, and that's a bummer on both sides. But it's not okay, even if I wasn't married. I don't believe I gave out any signs to invite this behavior. Either way, I'm still learning.
That invite was sent out to friends as well. That's awesome. I didn't know it at the time it was sent, which leads me to imply that the invite was for me. There has been no talk of my husband until just now. I've been mentioning him this whole time. It was inappropriate, at the very least.
My desire to find another awesome D&D group led me to push my anxieties aside when speaking to you. But I've learned from this, and more importantly, I stand by my boundaries. I wish you and your group well. Take care "
Maybe a little too nice at the end, but some times things can be taken out of context even more when it's just text. Think I handled that as best I could :p