Fugitivus Discussion Forum

Agreed with you Nalina. But that's because, when I finally opened up to my mom about being raped, her response was

Out of all the things she's done to me, I think that's one of the top 3 contenders for "worst thing ever".

I don't know what to tell you about this. You can't make him understand. He will never be in your position. The best you can do is keep trying to share your view with him, keep telling him about articles that support your position, and hope he eventually comes around.

I'm sorry to hear that, Karalyn. It's almost worse that the people we love are saying these things because they really think it will help. How saying something like that would ever help you, I have no idea.

I understand that it will take time, and I think we've both been very patient with each other. He's also been a trooper through my new femenistic views, we've had a lot of debates about that. I'm still struggling to get him to understand how I don't want him to even speak with the abuser. Might need to meet a therapist on neutral territory for that, because I've argued with him about this for almost a year now.

Just wanted to update that my husband and I have been going to therapy since the beginning of the year. It's been going very well, we've developed communication skills that help us see each other's views. That's really what I wanted in the end; some type of validation for what I'm feeling. We're still at odds about the whole problem conversation I described in the beginning, but I've decided to agree to disagree. I came to the conclusion that him speaking to the abuser was good for him, for some type of closure, but it wasn't good for me. But! Don't really care about that as much any more. The point is I know my husband is on my side...and he always was

That's wonderful to hear, Nalina. Thanks for the update; it's great to hear about things working.

Good to hear. I think as long as you are both able to have relationships with the abuser that are healthy - for example, he doesn't make you interact with him, this is definitely something you can work through.

Np. Good news is contagious!

MomTFH, exactly. That's what I was worried about at the heart of it all. I see now that I was being a little paranoid, but in my recovery state, I don't blame myself. I do realize what I need to work on to be a happy, more trusting person; that's all that matters

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