esuriospiritus, I think that it's easier to think it's OK if you are around people who are not offended, but in a way, that's sort of like saying it's OK to use ableist words as long as there's no one apparently disabled around you. I know Christians aren't a downtrodden minority, so it's not exactly the same thing. But, at least in my case, I don't want to appropriate anyone's religion or culture if it's not mine, even if it is one full of privilege.
Zee, welcome! I would recommend that you check out the code of conduct
, and if you like, please leave an introduction. Every new poster is told to check out the CoC, but one thing in particular in your post makes it especially relevant: calling your mom "psycho" and "crazy" actually goes against the "no disablism" rule. I can see how if your mom is discussing killing your father and his girlfriend, it may make you question whether she is just upset by the divorce or really entering the realm of a mental disorder, but the words "crazy" and "psycho" are often thrown about to describe any distasteful behavior, and we don't want people with mental illness to think they aren't safe here.
I am not sure if you are new to the concept of a safe space. We want there to be freedom to have touchy and controversial discussions here, but we also want to have a few ground rules that don't exclude intelligent conversation, just keep people from, often unintentionally, insulting other people or making them feel unwelcome. We had a discussion about ableist slurs
recently if you want to check it out, and FWD has a post about the word crazy
, if you want to delve into it.
As for your post, I agree, first of all, that that solutions part of the post was really great. I was just talking to a friends about it today, but in a different context. And, I also agree that being "neutral" is not always the best thing to be. It is hard when a member of your own family is putting you in a really difficult place, and it makes it hard not to "take sides" if they are, in effect, saying you have to take sides (e.g. saying you can't see your dad). It's a tough situation with some solutions that may not be appealing (e.g. telling her to stop putting you in that position).