Fugitivus Discussion Forum

OK SO!
Sometimes I really really get an urge to educate people about trans stuff!
And I know sometimes people have questions about trans stuff!
So if anyone has any questions about trans stuff I'd love to try and answer them!
This is Educate Me 101, and I have pretty tough skin about stuff like this, so while obviously you shouldn't be a transphobic meanie meanie head for the sake of it, but also don't be afraid of asking "dangerous" questions. As long as it's for the sake of learning or discussing and not trying to trap trans people in some sort of gotcha while simultaneously refusing to listen.
ALSO! My experiences are unique, and there are trans people out there who would disagree with me on just about everything. I represent only myself, and while I try to not be transphobic, and keep in mind the thoughts of the community, I can only speak for myself.
Other trans people are tooootally welcome to participate too (or answer questions somewhat anonymously by PM-ing me or whoever for that matter)!
OK! Wheeeeee

<_< Well, okay, I'll bite.

What do trans people generally do with their ...parts? Do MtFs get an operation to get... chopped down to clitoral size? And do FtMs get an... elongation? <.< because it seems to me that even after taking the appropriate hormones, this would still be a looming issue as far as dysphoria is concerned. And on the handful of blogs I read by trans people, they never seem to discuss this.

My cluelessness on this topic embarrasses me. D:

Ah yes GENITALIA!
I don't know all the details, especially when it comes to Phalloplasty. Vaginoplasty does not actually involve chopping stuff off and throwing it away but sorta inverting the penis into a vagina and vulva. After all there's so much sensitive nerves and stuff in the penis that can be used for sexytimes and it would be a shame to toss it!
Wkipedia goes into all the nitty gritty details here and here (with pictures ).
Hormones also generally have an effect, if one is one estrogen and anti androgens then the penis will stop being able to produce viable sperm, spontaneous erections often go away, and the penis will get all cute and tiny! I hear testosterone makes the clitoris bigger and more penis-like, but again less familiar with all that.


As far as dysphoria, there's a wide range of ways people experience gender dysphoria. Some people might not get it as strong as others, or be triggered by different things. I hate shaving and it can send me into tears, so will often walk around with beard stubble, whereas other people might not be able to stand beard stubble at all but be fine shaving. And some trans people might not have dysphoria at all.
So some trans people might not even want any given surgery, or be able to justify the cost, or want surgery but not be able to afford it. Similarly some trans people don't go on HRT for various reasons. So yeah, no way to tell any particular trans persons thoughts or desires regarding hormones or various surgeries or dysphoria unless they tell you (and lots of this stuff is generally considered pretty private, so I wouldn't go around asking)

One last thing, some people like "MtF" and "FtM" as descriptors so I won't say to not use it entirely, but I will ask to please avoid using it as a noun. I'm not an MtF the same way I'm not a crazy, etc.
I also prefer "trans person" / "trans man" / "trans women" to "MtF women", because it feels more general and inclusive to me and less shoehorning people into narrow roles.
And "trans person/man/woman/etc" doesn't depend on a gender binary.
And it doesn't imply trans people are going from one gender to another.

Thanks for the question, hopefully I didn't come across too intimidating ^_^!

How familiar are you with non-binary trans* issues? I really don't know how to word it because it's 3:15a and I need to sleep, but I've been thinking about this one for a while.

Also, is "trans*" generally acceptable?

Thanks for answering, and no, you didn't come across as intimidating.

And, I'll try to remember what you said about MtF/FtM. I'm definitely still in the learning stages of being a good ally. <_<;

I'm uh, binary identified myself but uh... pretty familiar? 8D I'll leave it at that XD;
And Trans* is totally great!

Are there any particular brain-tricks to get myself to think of someone as their stated gender if I knew them pre-transition, or do I just have to correct myself when I notice I've misgendered them in my head?

If I misgender someone aloud, what's the best way to respond?

Mind if I reply backpack? You've been doing a great job, but this is something I'd love to talk about

Are there any little tricks? I don't think so, really. At least, if there are, I'd love to hear them so I can give them to my Parents! But, really the important thing is to be vigilant about it. If you do misgender someone, call yourself out on it. You don't have to make a big deal about it, just show that it was a slip of the tongue and continue on. Everyone's done it, really. I've seen trans men misgender their trans identified partners, and had a good laugh about it. As long as you're genuinely trying to do it, most people probably won't mind (again... can't speak for everyone).

It does change over time - the more you get to know the person as their current presentation, the easier it gets to think of them as their chosen gender.

Also, while I don't think anyone's ever gotten angry at me for saying it, I've gotten in the habit of just saying "she" to people when they call me "he". It's almost automatic now. So, if I'm doing that, I hope no one minds that I'm correcting them right away as they talk.

Thanks for asking about the brain-tricks, Smoovie. I wanted to ask the same thing, but I was afraid to.

I can at least confirm that having a minor self-loathing meltdown every time you say the wrong pronoun helps nothing. And I'm getting better with practice.

So, OK, I have something that I don't think you can answer, but hey, it's a forum for discussing it.

I am starting a rotation in a month, and there is a person who works at the clinic who I am pretty sure is living as a trans woman. I think that is so awesome, especially in the health care role she works in (she is a midwife!).

So, the thing is, she passes really well, and it's unspoken as far as I know. I am planning on working well with her, being someone who trained as a midwife and loves midwives and wants to be an ob/gyn. I KNOW this isn't about me at all, but I really want to talk to her about it! But....I know I shouldn't. It's not about me. It's not about me, even if I think it's totally awesome that she is passing so well and is so successful and awesome and all the ob/gyn patients love her and....

Sigh.

I should just be her friend and work well with her and not be hurt when she doesn't talk about it, right? Am I awful to even wonder? It's not something I gossiped about or anything, it's just something I think based on meeting her.