*hugs* Thank you. :3 Oh, wow, oops, I accidentally ignored the other hugs. Thank you, Hex, thank you, Tevarre.
Things are actually beginning to mirror the same situation as back at home. :C; You know, I read once that in abusive households, people start to take on different roles. I don't remember them all, but they're Rebel, Caretaker, the Invisible one, Responsible one/Leader, and Scapegoat. I end up being the scapegoat wherever I go because I trigger EVERYONE, and then once everyone figures out that they have ALL been triggered by me at some point, they decide I'm a troublemaker and that they need to provide a united front against my "nonsense", and since I'm the one seen as solely responsible, they ignore the fact that every person that's part of their united front reacts to me differently at different times. So every time someone gets triggered, whether or not I was actually talking to them or just accidentally leaving behind a few crumbs, they get to call on a whole support system and punish me.
I can't seem to NOT end up in that situation because my need to be heard and understood pushes me to speak up, speaking up is seen as me being demanding or provocative, and then there are times when I sacrifice speaking up for being everyone's therapist, and then people get confused by my inconsistency, start putting more pressure on me to STAY the Caretaker, and then when I can't handle that role PLUS suppressing all my feelings anymore, I blow up. And then people ask infuriating questions about my meds, since all of their problems with me are blamed on me and my disorder and they don't see their part in the drama. Holy fuck.
So now I'm stuck in a situation where I'm being expected to accomodate the moods and personalities of TWELVE PEOPLE in the house, while at the same time getting NO ACCOMODATION WHATSOEVER for my own needs- which, right now, have been narrowed down to "just please leave me alone for a while". Jesus Christ.
I'm being expected to survive these conditions until July 1st. :l So now I'm forced to be Invisible, and to be out of the house pretty much all the time. I don't even feel like I can eat in peace there because one of the housemates, J, is starting to show helicopter mom tendencies, being bossy and controlling and making me feel like I can't relax or make any mistakes without her jumping out of the woodwork at me. I tried to tell the house manager about this, but since I am now firmly and irrevocably the Scapegoat, she snapped at me to just deal with or get out of the house.
Basically, anyone can bully me with impunity, they can pile more and more expectations on me, and I'm not supposed to make a peep about it.