Um, I'm not really sure of that myself, which is probably why it's unclear.
I want it to be strictly the former but I think in my head there's a little bit of the latter included, and I don't want it to be there. ._.
In a nutshell, I don't know whether they're being abused or not (the relationship dynamic as far as I'm aware has always been a non-abusive one, but who knows what's going on in their private lives now). I kind of blame them for choosing to hang around shitty abusive people either way, even though they might not actually feel they have much of a choice at all if the dynamic's changed for the worse. Thus, I feel shitty that I might be blaming someone who's being abused (even if they're probably
not), even if they'll never know.
I guess I just kind of wanted someone to weigh in on the muddled soup in my head and tell me if I'm a terrible awful victim-blaming person for feeling like it's okay to place blame when I don't know their situation, if it stays in my head and I just quietly cut off contact with them.
I guess that's not really a 101 kind of question, but if I super simplified it it'd be "Is this victim-blaming? If so, how do I fix my brain?" ... so IDK.