Fugitivus Discussion Forum

I've been here for about a year, I guess, maybe two. I'm not good at keeping track of time. And it was really good to be here. I met lots of nice people, and I learned new things. I even was able to meet two of my most favorite people in the world through Fugitivus, people I currently get to see in the offline world, who have been so wonderful and supportive to me, people I'm going to move in with someday.

A lot of people here supported me, and a lot of people taught me how to be a better person. People caught me when I was talking like an abuser, and nobody made me feel like I was an evil person because I acted abusive while I was stuck in an abusive relationship with my mom.

I feel like it's time for me to go now. It just feels like I've gotten all I could from this place, and have given all I am capable of giving, which doesn't feel like enough to compensate for what I've gotten from being here.

I think I'll still probably read things now and then, but I'm going to try to stop posting. If anyone still wants to talk, I still got my contact info up. It was really, really nice meeting all of you. Thanks for making my stay here a great one. <3

Aww. I'll miss you, Eirwyn! Good luck with everything! Drop me a PM or an email anytime. <3

It's been great having you around, Eirwyn. If you do ever feel that coming back (posting wise) would be good for you, please don't hesitate! I really hope everything goes well for you.

Thank you. <3

Is it okay if I come back?

I don't know why it took so long to understand and articulate this, but I was having really bad paranoia issues for a while there. Basically, I thought that I was alienating most people on this forum by saying oppressive things, and that no one was addressing any of it for whatever reason, and that people were just slowly learning to hate me/leaving the forum because I was ruining the entire place, and that the moderators had made a secret thread to talk about What To Do About Eirwyn.

So basically, paranoia! I mostly experience negative symptoms so I guess I just couldn't see it for what it was. Or I guess sometimes you just don't see it until it's not affecting you as much.

Even though things seem to have gotten quieter I would really like to come back if I can. The whole reason I said I only THINK I'm leaving is because I really didn't want to go but I felt like it was the only responsible thing to do seeing as I was RAGING OUT OF CONTROL and NO ONE WOULD TELL ME. XD;

It is okay if you come back! I enjoy your participation in this community and find value in the things you say. And I promise that if you ever make me feel alienated or oppressed, I will tell you so. As gently as possible, but I will. I am really very bad at keeping shut about that stuff, anyway.

I'm sorry you were experiencing that, Eirwyn - you're very welcome to return. I think the participants here feel enough collective responsibility to the community that if anyone engages in behaviour which alienates / oppresses others, they will find a way to address it.

Thank you so much, you two. I don't know how or why I got that way, but I'm glad I at least know what it is and how to recognize it from now on. I think the time I've spent here at Fugitivus is the longest I've been an active participant in a forum because usually I feel like I'm acting ridiculous and people are hating me. It's so much easier to deal with the insecurity if it's happening on a one-on-one basis with friends and not an entire community. XD;

Last time you were here, I thought of you as one of the defining members of our community, in a very positive way. I'm glad to have you back!

^^; That is really, really nice. Thank you!