Oi, that's pretty bad. I'm sorry to hear you've had to go through that- and I'm hoping you do move out ASAP. About how old were you when your parents got divorced? My parents got divorced when I was eleven years old. I remember not being surprised or upset at all, because my dad had already been taking off for weeks at a time without telling anyone where he was for years before the divorce- but my dad starting crying when he told me and his tears made me cry.
What follows below is going to get pretty long winded, and I hope that's okay.
Both of my parents were abusive. My mom has some serious rage issues. She has a low threshold for frustration, and anything that frustrates her, she'll end up channeling into an attack against someone else, finding reasons for why this or that is THEIR fault, even when the thing that initially made her angry had nothing to do with that person. She used to stay up from midnight to three in the morning yelling and ranting at my dad about this or that, sometimes about how I was acting up in school.
She was critical and perfectionistic, too. I see strong links between the torture I had to go through while trying to learn math and my current aversion to attempting anything too difficult. I was physically abused, as well- being whacked with a belt, choked, slapped in the face.
My dad was like a volcano. He'd be silent and self-contained for a good while, and then something you did would suddenly set him off in a violent outburst. He was very caustic and sarcastic, too. And very authoritarian and controlling. But he's better now. When I was ten, after my mom slapped me around for being written up in school, he called Child Protective Services on her. After that, she didn't hit me as much, I don't think, but she still yelled and manipulated and belittled. My dad realized that he would never get better as long as he was stuck with my mom, so after he divorced her he set off on a journey of self-healing. He's been to multiple therapists, attended Co-Dependents Anonymous meetings, read self-help books. He's done very well for himself, and while I wouldn't call my relationship with him perfect, he's become someone I can really trust and depend on.
My mom's a little bit better, too. She's still a bit fucked up, and she still does little power trips and yells and is verbally abusive, but we have a lot more periods of peace than usual. I've confronted her multiple times about her abuse, and on some level she seems to understand that she used to be pretty fucking bad, but on another she doesn't understand how what she did effects the way I behave towards her and the problems I have today, and gets defensive if I try to point it out to her. I'm still living with her, and it hasn't been easy. Just in the past year or so I've stabbed walls, cut myself, talked about suicide, punched her in the face hard enough to give her a bloody nose, been committed to a mental institution, almost been committed again... but year 2010 is looking a lot more stable. I still can't wait to move out, though. I think my relationship with her would improve drastically if we didn't have this fucking power dynamic going on where she still treats me like a child/an object/an extension of herself, and didn't hold the fact she supports me over my head and use it as an excuse to deny me basic human rights and a voice.
Whew, that was a mouthful. But I'd like to thank you for sharing your own story, and for giving me a chance to share, as well, because my abuse is not something I've been able to talk to other people about in depth. Most of my friends know generally that I had an abusive, rocky past, but they don't know the full of it.