Comments on: On Interpersonal Badness http://www.fugitivus.net/2010/06/10/on-interpersonal-badness/ Runaway Slave | Harriet J Fri, 04 Mar 2011 01:42:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: What a couple of weeks « gotheek.com http://www.fugitivus.net/2010/06/10/on-interpersonal-badness/#comment-9239 What a couple of weeks « gotheek.com Tue, 21 Dec 2010 04:10:50 +0000 http://www.fugitivus.net/?p=740#comment-9239 [...] Now the story is over. For a primer on dealing with passive-aggressive, patently nasty people, read “On Interpersonal... [...] [...] Now the story is over. For a primer on dealing with passive-aggressive, patently nasty people, read “On Interpersonal… [...]

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]]> By: Delilah http://www.fugitivus.net/2010/06/10/on-interpersonal-badness/#comment-7467 Delilah Tue, 16 Nov 2010 12:33:23 +0000 http://www.fugitivus.net/?p=740#comment-7467 The link to this turned up at a really pertinent moment. I'm currently trying to maintain polite relations with my grandmother, because she is very old, without being suckered into seeing her anywhere she can spring my mother on me again in another mistaken attempt at reconcilliation. My birthday's just passed and with it a small, spiteful slew of emotional blackmail gifts from them both. So I suspect I rather needed to read this post, especially in light of the "YOU'LL UNDERSTAND WHEN YOU'RE OLDER/JUST ACCEPT IT/MAKE UP WITH YOUR FAMILY" advice I've been getting from one or two people. Thanks. The link to this turned up at a really pertinent moment. I’m currently trying to maintain polite relations with my grandmother, because she is very old, without being suckered into seeing her anywhere she can spring my mother on me again in another mistaken attempt at reconcilliation. My birthday’s just passed and with it a small, spiteful slew of emotional blackmail gifts from them both.

So I suspect I rather needed to read this post, especially in light of the “YOU’LL UNDERSTAND WHEN YOU’RE OLDER/JUST ACCEPT IT/MAKE UP WITH YOUR FAMILY” advice I’ve been getting from one or two people.

Thanks.

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]]> By: Meeping and Community « Shari Creates http://www.fugitivus.net/2010/06/10/on-interpersonal-badness/#comment-6324 Meeping and Community « Shari Creates Tue, 19 Oct 2010 05:26:46 +0000 http://www.fugitivus.net/?p=740#comment-6324 [...] of them to silence me is going to be less than what I will take from  them if I don’t shut up. http://www.fugitivus.net/2010/06/10/on-interpersonal-badness/ “You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and [...] [...] of them to silence me is going to be less than what I will take from  them if I don’t shut up. http://www.fugitivus.net/2010/06/10/on-interpersonal-badness/ “You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and [...]

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]]> By: DEF http://www.fugitivus.net/2010/06/10/on-interpersonal-badness/#comment-6249 DEF Sun, 17 Oct 2010 22:21:28 +0000 http://www.fugitivus.net/?p=740#comment-6249 Couldn't agree more. My mother cut me off 15 yrs ago because I left her freaky religion. That, after beating the shit out of my sister and I for years when we were growing up. Since then she has tried to reestablish contact and I said NO THANKS. People are so uncomfortable with the fact that you don't have a relationship with your mother. It definitely makes them nervous, and makes them say "Jeez, what's the matter with you?" There must be something seriously wrong with someone who doesn't talk to her mom. Anyway, honestly, on bad days I feel exactly the same. There IS something wrong with me. But, it doesn't make me want to reestablish anything with her. Way too toxic. It has made me question the concept of unconditional love. I don't have that in my life, and I don't take it for granted. Couldn’t agree more. My mother cut me off 15 yrs ago because I left her freaky religion. That, after beating the shit out of my sister and I for years when we were growing up. Since then she has tried to reestablish contact and I said NO THANKS. People are so uncomfortable with the fact that you don’t have a relationship with your mother. It definitely makes them nervous, and makes them say “Jeez, what’s the matter with you?” There must be something seriously wrong with someone who doesn’t talk to her mom. Anyway, honestly, on bad days I feel exactly the same. There IS something wrong with me. But, it doesn’t make me want to reestablish anything with her. Way too toxic. It has made me question the concept of unconditional love. I don’t have that in my life, and I don’t take it for granted.

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]]> By: NatalieF http://www.fugitivus.net/2010/06/10/on-interpersonal-badness/#comment-5980 NatalieF Mon, 11 Oct 2010 13:37:02 +0000 http://www.fugitivus.net/?p=740#comment-5980 Thank you so much for your blog and this post in particular. http://natalief.livejournal.com/1529712.html Thank you so much for your blog and this post in particular.
http://natalief.livejournal.com/1529712.html

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]]> By: How to keep someone with you forever « MeeNeemMening http://www.fugitivus.net/2010/06/10/on-interpersonal-badness/#comment-5611 How to keep someone with you forever « MeeNeemMening Sun, 26 Sep 2010 00:55:08 +0000 http://www.fugitivus.net/?p=740#comment-5611 [...] everything on the edge Als afsluiter wordt er nog verwezen naar Not all vampires suck blood en On interpersonal badness, die ook de moeite waard zijn om even te lezen. Nogmaals, de volledige tekst vind je hier. [...] [...] everything on the edge Als afsluiter wordt er nog verwezen naar Not all vampires suck blood en On interpersonal badness, die ook de moeite waard zijn om even te lezen. Nogmaals, de volledige tekst vind je hier. [...]

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]]> By: Phoenix Living » weekendy linky > Reesa Brown's homepage http://www.fugitivus.net/2010/06/10/on-interpersonal-badness/#comment-4736 Phoenix Living » weekendy linky > Reesa Brown's homepage Fri, 20 Aug 2010 13:54:55 +0000 http://www.fugitivus.net/?p=740#comment-4736 [...] tough to identify, especially when in the middle of them.  Check out a nice sample quote from this article I recommend reading:  “If somebody is investing time, resources, and energy into convincing [...] [...] tough to identify, especially when in the middle of them.  Check out a nice sample quote from this article I recommend reading:  “If somebody is investing time, resources, and energy into convincing [...]

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]]> By: Leairan http://www.fugitivus.net/2010/06/10/on-interpersonal-badness/#comment-4355 Leairan Wed, 28 Jul 2010 15:35:22 +0000 http://www.fugitivus.net/?p=740#comment-4355 Omg, EXACTLY!! I had similar shit go down with a supposedly really close 'friend' at a really low point in my life and she would have gotten away with it if she hadn't gone too far and overexaggerated my EVIL HORRIBLENESS which was just so far out. So I cut her off, but for awhile there was really agonizing over was I really that bad? Till some real friends snapped me out of it. Now I'm just glad that toxic person is out of my life. Tell your friend he did the right thing. And go you too. I admire your strength. Omg, EXACTLY!! I had similar shit go down with a supposedly really close ‘friend’ at a really low point in my life and she would have gotten away with it if she hadn’t gone too far and overexaggerated my EVIL HORRIBLENESS which was just so far out. So I cut her off, but for awhile there was really agonizing over was I really that bad? Till some real friends snapped me out of it. Now I’m just glad that toxic person is out of my life. Tell your friend he did the right thing. And go you too. I admire your strength.

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]]> By: Talix http://www.fugitivus.net/2010/06/10/on-interpersonal-badness/#comment-4342 Talix Tue, 27 Jul 2010 18:28:41 +0000 http://www.fugitivus.net/?p=740#comment-4342 I've found a way define forgiveness that works for me - I think of it in terms of forgiving a debt. "I forgive you" means, to me, "I am letting you off the hook for making things right/whole." And I find that, by letting go of the expectation/hope that the other will attempt to fix things, I release myself from needing things to be different than they are. Some things can't be made right; some things are never okay. When I stop waiting for you to do the impossible, I am freed. I’ve found a way define forgiveness that works for me – I think of it in terms of forgiving a debt. “I forgive you” means, to me, “I am letting you off the hook for making things right/whole.” And I find that, by letting go of the expectation/hope that the other will attempt to fix things, I release myself from needing things to be different than they are. Some things can’t be made right; some things are never okay. When I stop waiting for you to do the impossible, I am freed.

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]]> By: K http://www.fugitivus.net/2010/06/10/on-interpersonal-badness/#comment-4275 K Thu, 22 Jul 2010 18:26:41 +0000 http://www.fugitivus.net/?p=740#comment-4275 Thank you for writing this post. I really needed to read it today. I'm deciding to divorce my husband and was able to see most of our interactions in the back and forths you describe in your post. The only thing stopping me from springing forward is the sadness I know our 4 year old boy will feel. At the same time, knowing that eventually my husband will drag down my son the same way he pulls me down forces me to go on. Once again thank you. Thank you for writing this post. I really needed to read it today. I’m deciding to divorce my husband and was able to see most of our interactions in the back and forths you describe in your post. The only thing stopping me from springing forward is the sadness I know our 4 year old boy will feel. At the same time, knowing that eventually my husband will drag down my son the same way he pulls me down forces me to go on. Once again thank you.

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